No is a very powerful word. We associate it with not getting to stay up past our bedtime (or not getting to stay in bed because let's be real here), not getting to buy extra snacks from the supermarket, not going to Prom with our crush, or even as serious as not being touched or harassed (which should never happen to anyone, period). We let this one word control our lives in both positive and negative ways. While we feel victorious that we got out of the things we did not want to do or have, we find all kinds of ways to beat ourselves up when it does not go our way (again, if you were being inappropriate towards somebody, just stop).
I am sitting in a small-town coffee town, as one does on their day off, reflecting on the many No's I have gotten in my life. I've traveled back to those moments where I was just devastated, or I thought I was. As an actor and an artist, "No" seems like it is the worst thing in the world. I've been to audition after audition for multiple companies and shows, and to this day, I have really only had one professional role. It still took a while before I even got to have that opportunity. Because that experience was so amazing and I truly felt like I was the artist I am striving to be, I wanted more.
I craved for that kind of journey with a show, and so I went to another audition. Usually, I have gotten into a habit of thinking about all of the possibilities, should I get that gig. I think of where I'd live, performing amazing material, networking, etc. I feel that it's natural to do this because if I received an offer, I need to think about the pros and cons of the situation and make a decision because it might involve relocating. I get a little more married to certain opportunities than others, so not every "No" bums me. Maybe at first, but I usually am able move on quickly.
Then, there is that one that just stings because you know you essentially nailed the audition. You feel really good about it and get confident that you'll get to take the next step forward. You hear back, hoping for a "Yes," and it's yet another "No." There are times I start to feel hopeless, like I have no idea where to go from there. It is then that I remember everything that I had accomplished was because I got told "No." I got to travel and study abroad, perform in several other shows, go to New York, and I had that professional debut with a very special show and awesome cast all because I did not get any of those other opportunities. I start feeling better about it, even when I keeping asking myself, "What if?"
All you can really do is keep moving, attend more auditions, and get yourself out there. Eventually, somebody will notice and will want to work with you. I pick myself back up by listening to the cast albums of all of those actors who went through the same exact thing. Instead of thinking, "What could have been," I am now excited for "What will happen next?" As a matter of fact, there's another audition next weekend. Time to go prepare!
