3...2...1...so long, 2018!

Well, here we are. It is the final day of the eighteenth year of the twenty-first century, the eighteenth year of the third millennium AD. What a year it has been for me, my family, and the world. I usually like to spend New Year's Eve reflecting on the last 364(5 during leap years) days and seeing where my life was one whole year ago. 

While I usually feel like not a whole lot has changed, this time of reflection ends up revealing SO MUCH. As It turns out, there were some major moments that happened and I have much to be proud of this year. I may have some goals I did not achieve, but that doesn't mean I'll never get to achieve them. It just means it's not time yet. That is why I reflect and then look forward to the coming year ahead. 

Just as a refresher, I am going through some pretty important events that happened in 2018:

January - Judge Rosemarie Aquilina was the #1 judge all year with how she handled the case involving That Doctor Man. She was an advocate and a hero for sexual abuse survivors, and that is something to celebrate forever (I dressed up as her for Halloween this year too).

UK Gymnastics also started their best season ever in Rupp Arena for the first time. 

February - I performed in one of my all time favorite productions (Ma Rainey's Black Bottom). The show was hugely successful and an overall amazing experience that I'll remember for a very long time. I even made some pretty cool friends and fellow alums in the process.

On a much sadder note, I lost my beautiful grandmother Gloria, the only grandparent I had the privilege of knowing in my lifetime. She was a rock for our family. Losing her was truly devastating, but I know my family is much stronger from it. 

On another happier note, Adam Rippon won the Olympics. Not just his bronze, but the whole Olympics!

April - I performed in my first Spotlight Playhouse show (A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum) in several months, and it was so nice doing another one with my friends!

UK qualified a full team to NCAAs for the first time ever! UCLA won the 2018 NCAA Gymnastics title with their sixth year senior Peng Peng Lee scoring two 10's on bars and beam to clinch the victory.

May/June - I picked up another show with Rose Barn Theatre (Over the River and Through the Woods) and it was definitely my most cathartic experience. The show dealt with a grandson making a tough decision to move across the country away from his grandparents, and I had still been working through losing Grandmother. Our last regular performance ended with me in tears and breaking down in the most emotional moment of the whole show, and I am so happy with that. Theatre isn't just dressing up and reciting lines. It's life and the experience of living. 

Oh yeah, I also went to Canada for two hours when my family visited Niagara Falls. 

July - My longtime most favorite furry friend Butter was put to sleep at the age of 15. He was the best cat ever and he rightfully got the top center spot on our family Christmas tree this year. 

September/October - A certain SCOTUS hearing revitalized the conversation on sexual assault and rape culture and I opened up about a part of my childhood that I had never revealed to anybody. I feel so much better about it and it no longer bothers me. 

October - I turned 25 and started my quarter life crisis!

December - I did a '40's Christmas radio show with Spotlight and it was super nice creating more art before the year was over. Bonus: the second performance date marked a double two-year anniversary (1. Me performing with Spotlight and 2. Me living on my own in my apartment). 

Well, 2018 was quite the year for me. Now, I wonder how 2019 will turn out. Here are some goals and resolutions I have in mind:

1. Continue to grow as an artist and have many more opportunities that further my career.

2. Continue to love my family and  friends and keep them close. 

3. Figure out the next important steps I want/need to take in my life...and take them! 

4. Maybe another trip to New York or even a trip to somewhere I haven't visited yet.

5. Focus on my body and my soul a little more and treat them with the respect they deserve. 

6. More gymnastics! I want to try new things and stop doubting myself. If I'm landing on a squishy mat, it'll be okay as long as I don't land on my head!

7. Read more books and plays. I'm still allowing the post-college literature fatigue get to me and I need to just erase that from my being and just pick up a book and read!

8. Get around to my Film Bucket List. I still have yet to watch Citizen Kane and Casablanca. 

9. Explore more in the kitchen and try new recipes. Also, bake more!

10. Be more in the present and stop thinking I need to have a phone in my hand to pass the time. 

I'm sure there are more things, but those are the main ones I have been thinking about for a long time and I just wanted to share a little bit. With that, I don't think I have much else to say except I hope everybody had a fulfilling 2018 and that 2019 will be even better!

Happy New Year, everyone!

A whoie lot of downtime, holidays, and a show?!?

So, it's been over two months since my last post. A lot more happened, which is fun and exciting. For starters, I was in my first show in several months. I have also continued to audition for more shows and apply for a few more jobs. It's been a...promising job, I guess you could say. 

Halloween was a thing. I revived my Tina Belcher costume for trick or treat, but was ultimately the Honorable Queen Judge Rosemarie Aquilina for 2018, and she praised my costume on Twitter and we exchanged a few tweets. It. Was. GLORIOUS! Thanksgiving was also a thing and I ate way too much (surprise surprise). 

Now, it is almost Christmas. It's been a lovely festive season thus far. I have only a couple more presents to get for the morning of the 25th. I have watched the usual many Christmas episodes of my favorite shows and cartoons, and I am almost done with it because it is the 20th. 

Among all this festiveness, I was a part of Spotlight's Old Christmas Radio Show, which was really fun. The rehearsal process lasted only a week and I had a couple of solos as well. The second performance coincided not only with the two year anniversary of me living on my own in my apartment, but also the two year anniversary of my first opening night at the Spotlight Playhouse. It was very ironic that I was performing in a Christmas show when my first show with them was, you guessed it, a Christmas show. You gotta love Christmas anniversaries.

Now, it's crunch time, but the best kind of crunch time. It's Christmas, which means parties upon parties, gatherings, dinners, and presents galore. Most importantly, it is a time to be with family and friends and cherish one another. I am really excited for Saturday, specifically, because my family is having a huge dinner because this will be the first Christmas since my Grandmother died. It will be very special. 

Before I leave, I must mention that I have also decorated a bunch, including my family's Christmas tree. We have had an ornament with a picture of our cat Butter (RIP) on it and that made the top center spot, right under the angel, because it's what he deserves. I wish we had an ornament with my Grandmother's picture because it'd be right up there as well. Maybe some day.

Well, a lot has happened, but then again, not...

Everything is still a big ole garbage fire. Supreme Court stuff, local town politics stuff, I'm still auditioning way more than I am performing (but that's the biz), and my dead bolt's lock decided it had enough. So far, being 25 is....yeah. Just yeah.

On a much brighter note, I DID turn 25 yesterday and I spent it with family and friends. I got some sweet presents, ate some yummy food, decorated more for Halloween, and ended up having a blast playing mini golf and arcade games. I won enough tickets to get a Gingerbread Man (Shrek) plushie and it was the best thing ever. It was just one of those days where there was not a huge blowout party with all the people ever, but that wasn't necessary. I had the best day in a while because I was with people I love and I may have won mini golf with a 14 over par. 

Now that I am past my birthday (but not yet done eating cake), I am looking forward to auditioning for a production of Mamma Mia this weekend. I feel like with every single audition I attend, I'm getting closer and closer to landing a role with a company that isn't Spotlight. I love Spotlight so much, and I definitely do plan on performing more with them, but I want to continue expanding my boundaries as far as where I perform and what kind of shows I do. 

I want to be able to market myself to a broader audience and have those meaningful artistic experiences with other people. I know it will happen when the time is right. I have started considering some major plans. I am not sure how or when it will all happen, but if my tarot reading from last night is any indicator, I will have some new experiences coming my way in the near future and they will be exciting and fulfilling. I guess we'll see...

2018 is cancelled

Along with the world almost literally blowing up, tensions among nations with the President's "duties," we all know the year 2018 is a garbage fire. To make matters worse, I have now had to say goodbye to two beloved family members, one human and one feline. Yes, the death of my Grandmother is probably more important since she ultimately is the reason I exist (other than my mom, who's her daughter). However, your pet is as much of a member of the family as you are, especially when they're rescued. 

Rescue animals deserve so much love and care, and they will love you back. We first go Butter (there was a yellowish tint where his orange and white fur blended) when a friend of my brother's discovered him on top of a spare tire under a truck in our school parking lot. He was brought home to us when we had only been living in our main family home for about six months. My mom figured that he was about eight weeks old, so we determined his birthday to be August 18. From there on, Butter grew up in front of our eyes. It seemed like time flew by and it was just reality that he had some health issues. He gradually lost his cat ability to jump up onto counters and needed to be picked up more. He was never really moving too slow. He seemed okay, even though he had an overactive thyroid. It was like things were kind of normal.

Then, the day came for my parents to consider options...and the best choice was to have him put to sleep. When I received the "We need to talk to you about Butter" message, I just knew. When I got to my parents' and found them cleaning...that confirmed it. It just didn't hit me until my mom had told me in person. It hurt knowing that he was probably in pain and that he was not long from naturally passing away. 

It seemed sudden to me because I thought he had a little more time left, so I never really got to say goodbye, and that's probably what sucks the most. It's nobody's fault. I was at work when it happened, and there was no way for me to just leave. I don't think I would have wanted to be at the vet's, but it would have brought a bit of closure to at least see him off and give him love one final time. Alas, I have the memories and the five stages of grief running through me all at once. I know I'll be okay, but it still doesn't seem real yet, especially the same year my Grandmother died. The ornament with his picture on it will definitely be in a special place this Christmas. 

I don't know if I will personally want a cat when I live somewhere that allows them. When you have the perfect one for the entirety of his life, it doesn't get much better than that. I am comforted, though. He was with his pal Tiger probably lying in a cardboard box eating Fancy Feast because it's what they deserve for eternity. And that's nice. 

What. A. Show!

We had an amazing two-weekend run of Over the River and Through the Woods (by Joe DiPietro). The first weekend had small, but very responsive crowds who seemed to really enjoy it. Having those smaller audiences were beneficial since we could get used to performing together and work off of each other. We still had loads of fun those first few shows.

After a nice little break, we came back and did it all over again. This time, we had two sold-out crowds the final two performances. That was quite the experience for us since we could play to the people who sat in our "balcony" seating as well. The laughs and the overall energy from this last weekend really helped us as we all tried to mix it up a little bit in our acting. 

In the end, we felt like we had really hit our groove by that last show. We were fully comfortable with our characters and each scene. We were no longer worried about missing lines. If we did, or something happened (i.e. wine glass being dropped and breaking on stage) we were in-character so much that it did not halt the performance. We had handled it like pros. 

The last performance was also very sentimental for us since it was our closing performance at the venue where we rehearsed and performed during the whole process. I like to think that this show came into my life for a purpose. The show is about relationships with grandparents, and where I had just lost my one and only recently, I had a lot of strong feelings about the subject. It was so powerful reading the script for the first time that I broke down crying at the realization that, for a while, I would have grandparents again. It was so motivating for me to do a great job in this show.

I believe that's what happened too. I worked so hard to get my lines and the blocking down and we all worked together like a well-oiled machine. The end of act 2 during the final show had never felt so touching or authentic. There's a line that one of Nick's grandfathers (Frank) says that is packed with feeling. He says to his grandson who just told them all he was taking the promotion all the way across the country, "I just don't want you to go." That line got me to break down for the first time in a performance. 

The whole scene is very powerful because the other grandfather has cancer, but only his grandmother knew. Emma, the grandmother, wanted Nunzio to tell Nick. What he did tell him was, "I will always be there with you." I was full on sobbing at that point. The transition into the next scene is a quick one, but I had to take my time to let all of those feelings out. It was the most cathartic I had ever felt in a show. I had lost my grandmother, and I was about lose my grandparents all over again. That moment was when I had felt the closest to Nick. He loved them so much, but he knew he needed to make his life something of his own doing, and that's why it hurt to leave. 

We are fortunate to have one more performance tomorrow night. It's in another venue that will serve Italian food for a dinner intermission. It's going to be a fun night. I'm so excited for some yummy lasagna. Heck, I've even decided to cook pasta tonight for dinner. 

Oh, how I love food...and my family. 

There's always another show...

Thank goodness for that! I was at home after the opening performance of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum when I was told that an actor in a show at another local theater had dropped and I was asked if I was interested. I thought about it for a few minutes and replied with a "Yes." So, the current show I was in ran and closed. I had met the director and got the script on Saturday, read it Sunday evening, and showed up to rehearsal on Monday. It was a whirlwind, but I was excited for it.

The play is Over the River and Through the Woods by Joe DiPietro. I played a guy named Nick from Manhattan who gets an exciting promotion that would have him move across the country to Seattle. The thing is, he has to tell his four very Italian grandparents who live just twenty minutes outside the city. This hilarious play has a lot of laughs, funny banter, and some really touching moments about family. For a show that requires only six actors, it's a riot! 

I had to work really hard to get caught up. Within just two weeks, I had essentially gotten off book. I had to. There was no option for me to take my time because the job of replacement actor is to literally swoop in and save the day. Am I perfect? Not by a long shot. Am I proud of myself for being dependable when it's a theater company I have not worked with before? Absolutely! 

I've seen a production of FIddler on the Roof that Rose Barn Theatre had produced quite a few years back. I hadn't been able to see any of their works since then, so it's nice to be in one of their shows at the last minute. The show is going to be so much fun when we have audiences. I know I came into the process late, but it's still crazy to think that we have exactly one week until opening night. I'm excited, nervous, but overall happy that I still get to do what I love and have another artistic outlet. 

Oh, the life of a small town actor...

Rejection is the Key to Success: A Memoir

No is a very powerful word. We associate it with not getting to stay up past our bedtime (or not getting to stay in bed because let's be real here), not getting to buy extra snacks from the supermarket, not going to Prom with our crush, or even as serious as not being touched or harassed (which should never happen to anyone, period). We let this one word control our lives in both positive and negative ways. While we feel victorious that we got out of the things we did not want to do or have, we find all kinds of ways to beat ourselves up when it does not go our way (again, if you were being inappropriate towards somebody, just stop). 

I am sitting in a small-town coffee town, as one does on their day off, reflecting on the many No's I have gotten in my life. I've traveled back to those moments where I was just devastated, or I thought I was. As an actor and an artist, "No" seems like it is the worst thing in the world. I've been to audition after audition for multiple companies and shows, and to this day, I have really only had one professional role. It still took a while before I even got to have that opportunity. Because that experience was so amazing and I truly felt like I was the artist I am striving to be, I wanted more. 

I craved for that kind of journey with a show, and so I went to another audition. Usually, I have gotten into a habit of thinking about all of the possibilities, should I get that gig. I think of where I'd live, performing amazing material, networking, etc. I feel that it's natural to do this because if I received an offer, I need to think about the pros and cons of the situation and make a decision because it might involve relocating. I get a little more married to certain opportunities than others, so not every "No" bums me. Maybe at first, but I usually am able move on quickly. 

Then, there is that one that just stings because you know you essentially nailed the audition. You feel really good about it and get confident that you'll get to take the next step forward. You hear back, hoping for a "Yes," and it's yet another "No." There are times I start to feel hopeless, like I have no idea where to go from there. It is then that I remember everything that I had accomplished was because I got told "No." I got to travel and study abroad, perform in several other shows, go to New York, and I had that professional debut with a very special show and awesome cast all because I did not get any of those other opportunities. I start feeling better about it, even when I keeping asking myself, "What if?" 

All you can really do is keep moving, attend more auditions, and get yourself out there. Eventually, somebody will notice and will want to work with you. I pick myself back up by listening to the cast albums of all of those actors who went through the same exact thing. Instead of thinking, "What could have been," I am now excited for "What will happen next?" As a matter of fact, there's another audition next weekend. Time to go prepare!         

The best and worst week...

2018 has had its ups and downs with the Winter Olympics, more shootings, women getting gypped at the Grammy's, where Ben Platt and Patti LuPone gave a masterclass on singing. There's the amazing all-alumni production of August Wilson's Ma Rainey's Black Bottom at Berea College (which officially opens TONIGHT!!!). Then, there's the worst possible news one could receive, the death of a beloved family member. So, it's even been a busy and emotional week. 

I had gone to the dressing room during our intermission break on Tuesday night when I checked my phone. I had a message from my mom and a missed call from my dad. My amazing grandmother, who'd been struggling with dementia for the past few years, passed away that evening. I had not seen her a whole lot the last couple of years because I was busy with work and shows, and she was not the grandmother I knew who  had given me Euros before I studied abroad in Europe or the one who came to my college graduation. She'd been lost a while ago because of the disease, but my love for her never dwindled. 

The last time I saw her was a little more than week ago when the word "hospice" was first mentioned and family gathered in her room. We knew it was only a matter of time. She was peaceful and surrounded by her children at that last visit. She was asleep when it was time to leave. That was the last time I saw her. 

The news got a bittersweet reaction from me. I was shocked that her death was as soon as we even knew she was close to passing. At the same time, I am so relieved that she is free from dementia and is able to be the Gloria I knew my whole life. I will miss her so very much, and I want to dedicate my performance in Ma Rainey's to her memory. It is my professional stage debut after all. This show is the most proud I have ever been for a production. The other alumni and I have only had a week to put it all together, and it will be FIRE tonight at the opening performance. I cannot wait! 

Hello there, 2018!

Dreams do come true. It snowed a little bit on Christmas Eve and a lot of it stuck, which meant I woke up with a fairly white(ish) Christmas. Even if it had mostly melted by the afternoon, I was happy that there was any snow at all. I basically got everything I wanted, which wasn't much anyway because I don't really want a whole lot anymore. I've come to realize, as I continue to grow and adult more, that I really just want to see my family and eat lots and lots of food together and drink and be merry.

Now that my update on how Christmas went is out of the way, let's talk about that fact that it's already the EIGHTH day of the year. How in the world has the first week of 2018 gone by so fast that it seems like Christmas and New Year's Eve feel like they happened several weeks ago? I've sometimes wondered why the feeling of the New Year dwindles away so quickly.

I guess I should elaborate. Christmas is it's own holiday which has a season that lasts roughly a month. New Year's falls towards the end of that season, but it's still its own holiday. We wait all year long for Christmas to get here, and when it's Boxing Day/the first day of Kwanzaa or the 30th, it still lingers a bit because Christmas can go on all through the following  week because of vacations, parties, etc. 

With New Year's, the big moment we all look forward to is the couple of minutes between 11:59 pm and 12:01am. As soon as it's midnight, we celebrate with fireworks, streamers, champagne, and friends. Some of us have already thought about and written down resolutions to accomplish, while others are still thinking and just waiting until January 1st to reflect and focus on those goals. 

Even though it's really just another day, the first day of the year just brings with it a feeling of something brand new, that we're on a fresh, blank page. That's how I felt on New Year's Day. I had the day off, so I got to relax, do a tarot reading with the Astrological Spread (which is to be used only on birthdays and New Year's), and I just got to think about what I wanted out of 2018.

Having that said, here are some of my resolutions for the New Year:

1. Get some paid acting gigs to start my professional career.

2. Get all of my main gymnastics skills (roundoff back handspring, front tuck) back.

3. Learn a full tumbling pass (round off + back handspring + back flip of sorts or front handspring + front flip of sorts). 

4. Possibly relocate to a town or city with a fairly big theatre market.

That's all I got for now. It's mostly professional/gymnastics-related. I read that it's best to only focus on a few resolutions rather than have a long list of them. It ensures total focus and you're more likely to achieve those goals. I thought I might as well let the rest of my life play out while I have no more than five resolutions. That way, I prevent more worry and stress and get closer towards accomplishing an achievement rather than breaking a resolution so early. Well, that seems to be a New Year's resolution in itself.