This Christmas was quite the interesting holiday. Every year, I always look forward to it. Then, suddenly, it appears and disappears in two separate flashes. No matter if I am spending a whole month watching Christmas episodes of my favorite childhood shows, decorate everywhere, and listen to ALL of the Christmas music, certain circumstances sure know how to make each Christmas unique.
It definitely seemed like Christmas felt more magical as a child (and so many people can back me up on this). Now that I am an adult (with a college degree, a job, and an apartment), my list of wants grows smaller and my list of needs expands. I think commercialism takes a hold of everybody in some way. For kids, they all want to new toys and gadgets that they'll get bored with by the time school starts back. For adults, especially parents, they want to buy their kids those same toys and gadgets. Yes, I was a child who wanted many different toys and did not get every one of them. However, I look back on those memories (via Santa letters I read aloud of a friend of mine recently) and know that I am still alive and alright without them. There are more important things.
Sure, I have technically been too old to believe in Santa Claus for more than a decade (I STILL BELIEVE). With each Christmas, I get fewer toys and more clothes, undergarments, and socks (which I did NOT get this year and I am jealous that my brother did). I became more aware of responsibility and the inevitability of adulthood. Feelings were more complex, I was always changing and maturing. The idea seemed to be that once you "outgrew" the magic of Christmas, it was not as fun because there was no more Santa. I think differently. Christmas is even more fun when you're older because you can really sit down and connect with various family members. I call it "sitting at the adults table." You find joy in giving gifts more than getting. You realize what is really important.
This was my first holiday season as an uncle. It does not sink in that your older brother is a dad until you finally meet your nephew. Because he spent Christmas at home with his own family, my Christmas Day was spent brother-less. There was this void that loomed. It definitely did not only affect me. While it was still a great day full of festive holiday cheer and presents, it didn't fully feel like Christmas. December 26th felt happier (after work, of course) because I spent the evening with both parents, my brother, his wife and son, and our cat (who is my #1). It warmed my heart the entire time we sat and talked with my brother. It was made complete when my mom and dad got to hold their new grandson. It felt right...even if it was Boxing Day/Kwanzaa.
THAT is what this Christmas meant to me. I'll never forget it.
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